What I Learned from my 10 Day (but really 5) Juice Cleanse

Before you jump on me for not doing the full 10 days, hear me out.  I have never stuck with anything health wise as long as I did with my juice cleanse.  For 5 days, I drank vegetable and fruit juice and ate nothing but raw vegetables, fruits, and lean meats.  Even though I had dreams of fried chicken and cornbread soufflé ( a new recipe that I love), I stood my ground and stuck to my cleanse. 

I think my face has slimmed a bit

You may be wondering why I didn’t go the full 10 days. Well, let me explain.  On day 3 I had lost 4 pounds.  I was so excited to see the number going down.  By day 5, another 3 pounds.  I couldn’t believe it.  Then I realized, after the cleanse I was going to have to find a way to retain the weight loss.  So I made a list of all the foods I didn’t eat this past week.  That included:

• Sodas
• Fast foods
• Starches
• Red meat
• Snack cakes

I decided that I needed to learn how to eat once off my juice cleanse.  I’m going to keep some elements of the cleanse.  I want to continue a glass of juice for breakfast and have a light lunch with lots of vegetables.  Dinner is still going to be a challenge for me because after work I’m starving and I tend to raid my kitchen like a crazy person.  Hopefully, meal prep and healthy snacks will help with that.

I also learned to control my portions and when to push the plate away.  It was great not having this “about to burst” feeling in my stomach.  I slept great at night knowing I had only eaten good food instead of having guilt from eating a lot of stuff I knew I didn’t need.  

In conclusion, this juice cleanse helped me to see the importance of eating right.  It’s going to be work but I’m will to change my eating habits to continue to see the number on the scale going down.  

Juicing: Day 1 and Day 2

If you read my previous post, you know that I am on a juice cleanse and I’m taking you on my journey. 

Day 1 was not too bad.  Drinking a juice for breakfast wasn’t too hard for me considering I don’t have much of an appetite in the morning anyways.  Lunch was a different story.  There are great places to eat within minutes of my job so it was hard passing them up for a spinach salad and grapes.  But I’m proud to say that I resented temptation and stuck to my cleanse.   I had slight of a headache but it subsided by the time I had my final juice of the day.

My lunch

Day 2 was little better.  I had a blueberry mint juice.  It was a bit tart so I made this weird face every time I took a sip.  What was more difficult today was dinner.  The way to end a stressful day is a delicious meal.  Well, since I couldn’t sink my teeth in a juicy piece of fried chicken, I switched up my dinner juice.  Instead of eating a green juice, I had carrot, banana, and apple juice with a handful of almonds.  Not quite fried chicken but it will work. 

Dinner juice!!!

One thing about a juice cleanse is that it will make you think about all of your favorite foods: shrimp fried rice, Chipotle burrito, PB&J sandwich.  I would fight a tiger right now for just a sip of a Diet Coke.  Even though it’s day 2 I’m realizing that it’s going to take a different type of self-discipline to get through the next 8 days.  You know, the type of self-discipline that monks have when they take a vow of silence. 

Thankfully I’m off the next few days so at least I can be cranky and hungry at home.

Stay tuned and be sure to follow me on Instagram (@ebonymariere) for pics and videos of my juice cleanse.  

Juicing: Taking You Along for the Journey

While everyone is making their New Year’s Resolutions for 2015, I’ve decided to get started a little early…2 weeks to be exact.  On Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest, juice cleanses are all the rage.  As a nutrition educator, I was skeptical of limiting myself to only one type of food.  As a food connoisseur, eating an all liquid diet didn’t excite me. 

Getting ready to make some juice

Let me just put it out there, I LOVE food.  By lunch time, I’m already thinking about what I’m going to cook for dinner.  It’s nothing for me to rummage through Pinterest for hours looking for new recipes.  I have numerous screen shots in my phone of recipes I find on Facebook.  The fat kid inside me gets excited about restaurant openings.  If there already wasn’t so many, I probably would have become a food blogger.

My last meal before the cleanse

Unfortunately, my love of food is also why I have gained more weight than I would like in the last couple of years.  At the beginning of 2014, my goal was to get out of the 200lb mark.  I work out and I do my best to eat right.  But sometimes McNuggets just be calling my name.  Sad to say, it’s the end of 2014 and I have yet to accomplish that goal.  Well, drastic times call for drastic measures. 

After talking to a couple of friends, I have decided to start a modified juice cleanse.  For me this will mean a juice in the morning, a light lunch, and juice for dinner.  I will also include snacks like raw vegetables, fruits, and boiled eggs and almonds for protein.  This isn’t a true cleanse.  A true cleanse would be a juice for all three meals, however, I ain’t bout that life.  It puts my mind at ease knowing that my body will still be getting a variety of nutrients from different sources. 

First 2 juices for Monday

Chicken for my light lunch

 I’m already nervous thinking about the hunger pains and headaches.  But like anything else, you can only take it a day at a time. My goal is to do this for 10 days.  Yes, 10 days.   In order to keep me on my toes, I will try to keep you all updated daily about my cleanse either here on my blog or on my Instagram account (@ebonymariere).  Be sure to follow to stay up-to-date with how I’m doing. 

 Have you ever done a juice cleanse?  How did you do? 

Sorority Sisters: A Review of the Criticism

Hey everybody!!! I am glad to be back for a minute to discuss the craziness going on in pop culture.  If you were on Twitter or Facebook on Monday night, you probably saw a lot conversations surrounding Sorority Sisters.  Sorority Sisters is a VH1 reality show following 9 women from each of the 4 historical black sororities.  Needless to say, Black Greek members and others in the black community were none too happy about the premiere of this show.

Source: hellobeautiful.com

Let me go on the record by saying that I'm not a fan of the Mona Scott Young franchise.  Mostly because her shows bore me.  Every show (Love & Hip Hop ATL, Love & HIp Hop New York, Love & Hip Hop Hollyood) is about wannabes clubbing and fighting.  Ain't nobody got time for that. But when I heard she was going to do a show about sororities, I was like "Wow.  Mona Scott Young will stop it nothing to get these coins."  So yea, I already knew that I was going to watch the first episode at the very least.

The only review I have of this show is that if I had it on mute I couldn't tell the difference between this or Love & Hip Hop or Basketball Wives.  Same weaves, same over contouring make-up,  same Forever 21 outfits, same leopard pumps : the formula for showcasing basic chicks.  Honestly, I'm not sure I'm interested enough to tune in next week.

However, what I'm more interested in is the criticism the show is receiving.  Black Greek life can be a very touchy subject.  Mostly, Black Greeks don't like non-Greeks discussing it unless you are praising their organizations.  Don't discuss the at time tragic hazing incidents or the elitist attitudes that some of them  carry.  Just praise them for the good community service work they do.  Okay...

On Twitter, some tried to start a boycott of VH1 and the companies who advertised during the first episode of Sorority Sisters.  So I can't get my pasta bowl from Olive Garden because they had a commercial during Sorority Sisters?? Or I can't rock comfy Fruit of the Loom underwear because you mad that VH1 put your sorority on front street? Don't blame Fruit of the Loom cause your sister showed up to the auditions.  Not one gun was put to the head of these women to join the show.  The producers are not holding them hostage to show out in front of the cameras.  All 9 of them, willingly, chose to participate in this show.  It sounds like you need to be finding them on Facebook and giving them a stern, but respectful, DM and leave me to my never-ending pasta bowl.  

My face when people want me to boycott food and underwear

Another part of this criticism that is confusing to me is how people are acting like Black Greek Life is too sacred to be  showcased in this format.  Last year, I wrote a piece on my disgust of how Preachers of L.A. was turning Christianity into a cheap spectacle that was misleading people about what the Bible really teaches.  Even though I heard a few objections to the aforementioned show, it was nowhere near the belly aching I have heard about Sorority Sisters.  Am I to believe that people are more upset about their organization being embarrassed than at Oxygen for mocking God whom they claim to owe their life to?

I don't believe that some Black Greeks are mad that they are being exploited.  I believe they are more upset that they are being knocked off that high pedestal they have put themselves on for so long.  As I mention earlier, Black Greeks don't like you talking about them unless you are praising them.  This makes them feel special, like they are a special breed.  However, this show is doing every thing but praising them.  So now we are seeing that they can be just a loud and brash as the rest of us. Fancy that...

As a blogger and someone who will be starting another business soon, I get wanting to protect your brand or reputation.  I also understand that these organizaton have years of history of sisterhood and service.  But I have a feeling that this particular situation is more about keeping up appearances than brand protection.  

What were your thoughts about the first episode of Sorority Sisters?

How to Get Away with Murder: My Theories

Source: abc.go.com

Six weeks ago, we were introduced to TV's most addicting murder mystery.  How to Get Away with Murder(HTGAWM) has had me glued to my couch every Thursday.  It's also probably the only time my phone is not in my hand.  If you have ever seen this show you know that it needs your ENTIRE attention.

This Thursday we will find out who killed Sam Keating (and hopefully find out who killed Lila Stanguard).  Every week HTGAWM has flashbacks to the students trying to get rid of Sam's body.  We have been given little clues along the way as to how they got there.  Before tomorrow's episode, I would like to pitch a few of my own theories of #WhoKilledSam and #WhoKilledLila:

Rebecca killed Sam: Last week, Rebecca admitted to killing Sam.  However, I believe this solution is too obvious.  But for the sake of this post, I will entertain it.  Rebecca knows that Lila was having an affair with Sam.  If you recall, we found out the last 10 minutes of last week's episode
that Lila was pregnant when she was killed.  Rebecca finds out about the pregnancy and confronts Sam because as we know Rebecca has a mouth piece on her that she doesn't know how to control.  Sam becomes enraged and tries to kill Rebecca.  Rebecca wasn't going so she grabs the statue and kills him.

Wes Killed Sam: I'm willing to put money on this theory.  From the start, Wes has been the ultimate underdog.  Lost his mother to suicide at 11 years of age, went to a junior college, and was wait-listed for law school.  Wes also has this need to be Captain Save-A-Jezebel.  So when he sees Sam trying to kill Rebecca (killing her for confronting him), Wes comes to the rescue and kills Sam with the statue.

Sam killed Lila: This too is obvious.  Sam killed Lila because she was going to snitch to Annalise about the affair and also she was pregnant.

Bonnie killed Lila: I know this is a stretch because we really don't know Bonnie's angle but bear with me.  At first, I thought she had something for Sam.  Then I thought she had something for Annalise.  On the other hand, she got her panties all in the bunch with Laurel when she sensed her and Frank were getting naughty. Then out of no where we see her in bed with Asher so yea I haven't cracked her yet.  With that said, I believe she killed Lila to protect Sam and Annalise (maybe she has a thing for the both of them; I mean, she is always at that house).  Bonnie possibley overheard Sam on the phone with Lila discussing her unwanted pregnancy and took it upon herself to take care of it; killing Lila that is.

Questions I still haven't been able to answer:

• How did the other students get involved with getting rid of Sam's body?
• Why is Bonnie sleeping with Asher of all people?
• How did Asher loose possession of the statue?
• Why doesn't Annalise just wear her real hair rather than those homemade wig units?

I can't wait for this upcoming episode.  I'm so ready for my questions to be answered.  What are your #WhoKilledSam theories?

How to Get Away with Murder: My Recap

Source:abc.go.com

At the request of my sister-in-law, Charlene, I’m coming back to my blog this week to do a recap of How to Get Away with Murder.  I had been anticipating this show ever sense I saw the preview for it over the summer.  So all day at work all I could think of was what the fierce Viola Davis had waiting for me.

As much as I respect Shonda Rhimes for her success in television I have to admit that I’m not that crazy about Grey’s Anatomy and no matter how much I try, I cannot get into Scandal.  With that being said I was willing to give this new show a chance.

My notes while watching the show

So here we go…

In true Shonda Rhimes fashion the show moves a mile a minute.  I mean you cannot take your eyes off the television or you will miss a vital clue.  And everyone talks so fast.  Like for a minute, I felt like a kid who should be in a remedial class but got stuck in an AP class by accident.  I had to use the commercial breaks to marinate on what happened.  Finally, I got into the flow of things and was able to catch on to most of what was going down.

The show starts off with students trying to figure out how to hide a body.  We are then introduced to Viola Davis playing the smart, no nonsense law professor, Annalise Keating.  She was basically that teacher you had in high school that you thought was mean but you actually learned the most from her.  She starts the class off with a case that her law firm is working on and asks the students to come up with a reason why her client is being accused.  Poor Wes Gibbins, played by Alfred Enoch, just got accepted two days before classes started so he didn’t have time to get caught up on the case.  This is brought to attention when Professor Keating asks him a question and he cannot answer.

Another student answers the question for Wes which prompts Professor Keating to say,

“Never take a learning opportunity from another student.  No matter how smart you think you are.”

From jump we know that we are going to get a special kind of life philosophy from Professor Keating.  She assigns the students to come up with a defense for her client whom has been accused of attempting to kill her boss who she was having an affair with.  Whoever comes up with the best defense gets a statue that will exempt them from one of her exams and the opportunity to work at her law firm along with other students that she picks. 

Now I’m far from a law student so I’m not even going to try to decipher the many different defenses the students came up with but let’s just say that Wes, Connor (Jack Falahee), Michaela (Aja Naomi King), Asher (Asher Millistone), and Laurel (Karla Souza) end up obtaining spots at her law firm.  These different ones get their spots because of their willing to go far and beyond to get more evidence to help win Keating’s case.  This includes invading people’s health records and hooking up with random people at bars. 

Keating let’s us know there are 3 ways you win a case

•       Discredit the witness
•       Introduce a new suspect
•        Bury the evidence to create doubt

We see Professor Keating do this with elegance and grace while using her students as her henchmen to do the dirty work.  I have a feeling before it’s all said and done these students will be doing more than getting a law degree.  They will basically be Keating’s oompa-loompas (Oompa, doompa, doompa-dee-dee, what will you do to get your law degree?). 

Throughout the show we keep getting flashes to Wes and ‘em trying to figure out what to do with a dead body but we have no idea who the dead body is until the end.  We also keep hearing about a girl who has gone missing and you know the missing girl has to be connected with one of the main characters.  We also find out that Professor Keating is a THOT.  When Wes thinks he has found a break in the case he rushes over to her law firm to find her getting down with Billy Blanks’ twin brother.  He turns out to be Keating’s side boo thang(who happens to be a detective connected with the case she is working on) and that she is actually married to one of the professors at the college who wants kids but unfortunately Annalise is having a hard time getting pregnant.  Or at least that is the story that she tells Wes (he’s the only student that knows she’s having an affair).  At this point she can’t be trusted (most THOTS are untrustworthy). 

However, not only does Keating have THOT tendencies but she’s a true playa for real.  When it seems that she is about to lose her case, she gets her side boo thang to lie on the witness stand.  Now you know you a playa when you get can your side piece to commit perjury.  At the end, they find the missing girl floating in a water tower and the dead person the students have been toting around is actually…wait for it…Mr. Keating.  Things have gotten real and it’s just the first episode.

So here are my final thoughts and questions:

• The show is most definitely not for the family: there were 2 steamy scenes within minutes of each other.
• Michaela is going to get on my nerves (she is an obnoxious over achiever)
• I'm scared of Connor Walsh because he seems like a man with no boundaries.
• I think Mr. Keating was having an affair with the missing girl or Wes' next door neighbor or both.  You never know with Shonda Rhimes.
• What happened to the law student that used to live in Wes' apartment who left the bite marks on the bed post and the scratching on the wall?
• Lastly, who killed Mr. Keating???????

I’m looking forward to see where this series is going to go.  What did you think of the series premiere of How to Get Away with Murder?

Sheryl Underwood Shares Her Truth and People Get Butthurt

Source:smashinginterviews.com

Hey everyone!!! For my followers on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, you might remember I announced that I will be taking a break from blogging to work on another business venture.  I’m still working hard at it but something in my spirit told me to head over to my blog.


You might have seen the video of Sheryl Underwood on The Talk discussing her experience of fellow comedians talking about her without them knowing she was listening.  The gist of it is that she got on early to a conference call that was discussing a potential sequel to the Queens of Comedy.  Sheryl had put her phone on mute.  When the other ladies (Sommore, Adele Givens, and Ms. Laura Hayes) got on the conference call they started talking about Sheryl in a not so nice way unbeknownst to them that she was on the call.  Sheryl explained that instead of letting the women know that she could hear them, she instead chose to take notes and use their criticism to better herself.  She has since gone to work on other projects with the ladies and had never mentioned to them that she heard their comments.


Watch the rest here.

Now for the backlash…


Needless to say, the other women were none too happy that Sheryl blasted them on national television.  Adele responded with a tweet

“wow. The View must be pulling some really great ratings!”

And Laura Hayes responded with an Instagram pic of a wig, I guess implying that she is about the snatch wigs (an urban saying meaning she is about to go in on Sheryl.)  Sommore just retweeted some of her fans tweets about how jacked up Sheryl was for shading them.

Not one woman has denied the conversation took place or even offered an apology.

Even Rickey Smiley got in on the action by discussing some not so great things that he knew about Sheryl Underwood. 

It seems that the main problem that people had with Sheryl Underwood’s truth was that she named names.  Rather you agree or not that she should have kept the names secret that was not the point of her truth.  She explained that we do not often get to hear people’s real opinions of us.  We hear praises but not so much criticism.  She chose to take this negative and turn it into a positive.  She took note of what was being said about her and tried to improve herself.  How many of us would have reacted like that? 

I also commend Sheryl for not dogging the accused women.  She could have easily pointed out the fact that she is on a national TV program while the rest of the women are still on the comedy club circuit.  She could have even stated her relevance compared to the others but she didn’t.  She told her story, explained what she learned from it, and left it at that.  She called them out but she didn’t dog them out.


The fact that people have attacked Sheryl for sharing her story reiterates what I have said before: women are not allowed to discuss how they really feel about situations they have gone through in their lives.  The moment we open our mouths and share our story about how someone made us feel we are seen as bitter, jaded, or accused of not letting go of the past.  We are expected to keep things bottled up or when do speak them we have to walk on eggshells because God forbid we bother someone else with our story.


I know there are two sides to every story but I can't help but believe Sheryl's side of the story because what does she have to gain by lying.  And the other women have not denied it.  Yea, she could have kept the names secret, but whatever, her truth was told and sometimes we need to be blasted to remind us that we have something to work on.  So women, continue telling your truth and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for it. 

Why Does Torrei Hart have to be Bitter?

Source: bet.com

I’m just going to get straight to the point: stop calling Torrei Hart bitter.  Reality TV have conditioned us to see all ex-wives as crazy and we start lumping them all into one group.  We have all seen the ex-wives who live lavish lives because of alimony and/or child support checks.  So we make quick judgments about all Hollywood ex’s and call them jaded and greedy.  However, I’m not going to put Torrie is this category because homegirl is just being honest. 

Torrei has made news throughout social media because of the uncanny way she speaks about her ex-husband, Kevin Hart.  Back in April 2014, she was asked about how she felt about Kevin calling his girlfriend “my rib”.  Ms. Hart kept it all the way real and responded with:

"It's easy to be somebody's rib when their millionaire."

Of course, the interwebs went crazy and went on a “she’s bitter female dog” campaign.  But let’s go on to what else she had to say after that comment:

“You’re working at City Sports and I’m taking you to your shows, you’re driving my car, you’re crashing my car several times, and I’m still there for you, supporting you, went out and got a job for the phone company and still making sure I got your back so you can pursue your dreams…That’s what ribs do!”

Some might say she is living in the past but what I hear is someone who is telling her truth.  Kanye said it best with this lyric in Gold Digger, “And when you get on he leave yo a—for white girl.” or in this case, mixed girl.  She was there when we didn’t know what a Kevin Hart was.  She made huge sacrifices so he could live out a dream that she probably doubted at times.  Why is it that when she tells her side of the story, she has to sugarcoat it and give old tired PR responses?

Just this past week, Kevin Hart proposed to girlfriend, Eniko Parish.  Because he did it on the night that Vh1’s Atlanta Exes premiered starring Torrei Hart, some said that it was a blow at her.  Kevin has said that he did it that night because it was Eniko’s birthday.  When asked if she thought if Kevin would cheat on Eniko, Torrei responded, “Well he cheated on me..."  

I congratulate her for being honest.  We, as women, constantly put our feelings aside, heck, bury them 6 feet under.  We, too often, blame ourselves for every wrong thing in our past instead of placing blame where it needs to go.  We continue to put up a front when we are actually breaking down on the inside.  It’s almost like women aren’t allowed to be angry or hurt.  God forbid, we act like humans.  We are just supposed to suck it up, smile, and keep it moving.  But the moment we tell our truths, we are bitter, angry, or “stuck in the past.”  Torrei Hart isn’t stuck in the past, she is stuck on the truth.  He got on, cheated on her, and now gives new girl all the praise and glory. 

Before you start calling me a feminist Nazi, I know there are two sides to every story.  He has admitted to his wrong doings and constantly wishes Torrei well.   Torrei has even admitted to the part she played in their divorce.   In fact, I’m actually a huge fan of Kevin Hart.  My point is that being classy doesn’t mean that she has to hide her feelings about what she has gone through.  Anybody that has gone through a break-up will tell you that you may move forward but the scars are always there.  Unlike most ex-wives, Torrei has to constantly see her husband professing his love to new girl.  So the healing process is a bit different from the average ex-wife. 

Only time will tell how Torrei will continue to speak of Kevin and Eniko.  Since she is doing this reality show maybe interviewers will stop only asking her questions about Kevin and more about herself. 

How do you feel about how Torrei responds to Kevin’s new relationship?

Robin Williams: Depression is Real and Riches are False

This past week we lost a comedian great, Academy Award winning, Robin Williams.  Rather you were a fan of his comedy or not, you have to admit that the man was successful at what he did.  When I first heard the news, the first movie I thought of was Nine Months.  Williams played the eccentric foreign doctor, Dr. Kosevich who had only assisted monkey births.  Even though I was nine when I first saw this movie (and probably shouldn't have been watching it) I knew then he was a genius at what he did.  And don't even get me started on Aladdin.  You can't call yourself a 90's kid unless you had the VHS where Robin Williams played one of the top 10 best Disney characters ever.

Aside from his untimely death, I was shock by the alleged cause of his death: suicide.  Who knew that one of film's funniest leading men was tackling inner demons such as depression and alcoholism so much so that he felt the only way out was to take his own life? It blows my mind how he could make millions of people laugh but only saw darkness in his own world.  It breaks my heart to know this man didn't know how much he touched people, young and old, with his talents.

Source: elephantjournal.com 

Williams' situation makes me think of two things.  First, as my mother use to say, "You never know what's going on behind close doors."  We see people everyday on our way to work, at work, at a worship service, at the store, dining with friends and family and never truly know what that person is going through.  A lot of times we ask the question "How are you doing?" but mostly out of social norms and out of social norms the answer is usually "Fine".  End of conversation.   With so many anxieties that we all experience everyday, we forget to stop and ask our friends and families how they are really doing.  And something I'm guilty of and others probably are too is not telling the truth about how we are doing.  We must learn to let our loved ones help us.  This is one way we can stop our troubles from building inside causing sadness and despair.

Second, if we haven't learned yet we need to learn now: Money does not buy happiness.  We are constantly bombarded with the riches of celebrities.  We see the fancy clothes they wear and the big houses they occupy.  We at times start to think that if we had the money they had, our lives we would be a little easier.  However, with instances like Robin's we are reminded that money at times only complicates things (Remember the song, Mo' Money, Mo' Problems?).  What money doesn't do is help us get to the root of our problems.  Money doesn't get rid of depression.  Money doesn't mend broken marriages.  Money doesn't make our children act right.  One scripture I keep in mind is Hebrews 13:5:

"Let your way of life be free of the love of money, while you are content with the present things.  For he has said: 'I will never leave you, and I will never abandon you.'"

I'm not saying that Robin Williams was a person of greed but I'm speaking more to our desires to have what the rich have.  As the scripture says "be content with the present things."  Chasing after riches and material things can cause also depression.  Some of us will never get the white picket fence so that means we have to be content with having a roof at all.  So to look at yourself as a failure or disappointment for not having these grand things is pointless.  As we have seen over and over, riches do not bring joy, peace, or love.

I can't say enough that if you are experiencing a sadness that will not go away reach out to someone and get the help you need.  It's better to talk with someone than to decide upon a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Kanye Type of Love

I’m in no way a relationship expert.  Lord knows I have made more than a few mistakes in the love department.  I’m also not so fond of those relationship memes.  You know the ones that read “Find a man that finds your love as vital as oxygen” or “Don’t chase. Stop. Turn around. Look….There he is” or “Love is not a game but a journey” or some other mushy statement that makes me gag.  I’m not anti-love but when women post these quotes 20 times a day it screams “I’m single and hopelessly looking for love.  When will someone love me?”  I’m sorry but I can’t deal.

But today I found one of these love memes that explained everything I want in a man perfectly:

Yaaaaassssssssss!! I’ve been looking for the words to describe the type of relationship I want and some humble anonymous poet put it on a flea market chalk board.  The love Kanye has for Kanye is real love. It’s the kind of love that will stand the test of time.  Forget  Romeo & Juliet, I want to see Kanye & West.  Get me a Hallmark card with this quote on the inside, stat.

I want a man that will recognize me for the creative genius that I am.  He will put me on the same level as Walt Disney and William Shakespeare.  He will repeatedly tell people how great I am even when not inquired about it.  He’ll be like:

         “Ebony’s skin is softer than a million lambs and her hair is shinier than all the Brazilian                    hair weaves in the world.”

         “Sir, all I asked was do you want waffle or curly fries?”

         “Curly fries don’t deserve to be in Ebony’s presence.  Waffle fries with an extra honey                    mustard.”

         “That extra honey mustard is going to cost you 25 cents.”

         “Blasphemy! Why does Ebony have to live in a world that is so cruel and greedy?”

Who doesn’t want someone like that?

You will never have to worry about being in second place when you getting that Kanye type of love.  You not getting the props you think you deserve from your employer?  That special someone that lives by the Kanye love code will be on your job bright and early in the morning telling that employer that they are making a huge mistake by not recognizing your greatness.  They are committing crimes against humanity by not highlighting every second of every work day the tenacious worker you are.  He will then demand the Director relinquishes their duties and hand them to you.  Yep, sign me up for that type of love right away.

Stop giving your heart to lames.  Stop crying over scrubs.  Find you a man or woman that will constantly, unnecessarily tell everybody about your greatness. 

Does your mate live by the Kanye love code?

The Fire Challenge: Why I'm Not Having Children

As a single woman, there are times when I imagine being a wife with kids: cooking dinner for my family, walking through the park with baby in stroller,   beaming with pride as I watch my little girl in her first dance recital or my son’s first T-Ball game.  But then I get on Facebook and I’m reminded why there might not be in little Ebonys running around anytime soon. 

The reality is I’m scared crapless to have kids because apparently it’s the “in thing” to set yourself on fire, film it, and post it to Facebook for the world to see.  What I have just described is the Fire Challenge.  These are videos where the world’s dumbest adolescents rub some flammable fluid on their chests and then set a lighter to it.   No, I’m not talking about some rite of passage in a tribe documented by National Geographic.  This is Man Man and Pookey in the bathroom giving themselves 6^th degree burns while some idiot is standing on the side using his phone to record instead of calling 911.

My mom use to say “If you think things can’t get any worse, just live a little longer.”  Well, I never thought I would live to see the day where someone sets fire to their own limbs.  Don’t they know being on fire is ranked the worst pain you can feel? Right up there with labor pains with no epidural.  So on top of parents having to make sure their kids don’t join a gang, get pregnant at 16, and don’t do crack, now they have to lock up all the lighters and lighting fluid because of a new trend?  Does Obamacare even cover self-inflicted burns? I can’t. 

We are becoming a society that is controlled by the number of likes on a post.  And honestly, I’m not sure if I want to bring kids into a world like that.  The day I hear my child say she set herself on fire because her friends were doing it is the day she learns to eat through a feeding tube because every tooth in her head is being knocked out.  I get that peer pressure can be something else but really?  Being popular can’t be that serious.  When a child has set his/her mind on causing bodily harm to themselves for a few hundred likes, who is to blame?  I’m not even sure how to start a conversation with someone who has that reasoning or logic. 

I fear for today’s youth.  There is already another challenge where kids are causing themselves to pass out.  I try my best to not imagine what the next challenge is going to be.  If any kids read my blog, please put the lighter down, it’s not worth it.  While I’m pretty sure that procreation is not for me, I pray that our youth will get it together soon.  

Spoken Word: N.W.A Casting Call

Source: Todd MacMillan/Universal Pictures

Last week, a casting agency caused a lot of uproar in the interwebs.  The Sandi Allesi Casting posted a casting call to their Facebook page looking for women for the new N.W.A Biopic.  In this decade's most racist casting call, women were broken down into 4 categories: A, B, C, and D.  The A-C category requested women who were the hottest of the hottest, mixed race, medium to light skin with long hair, natural or weave.  Being of the darker shade myself, I had a bit of a problem with Category D.  Category D asked specifically for dark skin women who were not only out of shape but poor looking.  Because as we all know only dark skinned women are out of shape and poor.

To express my disgust for everything in this casting call, I decided to find my inner Love Jones and come to you with this post in spoken word.  So turn down the lights, light a cigarette, and snap as I approach the stage and give you

CATEGORY D

2014, but it might as well be 1943 

Too dark to be "the hottest of the hot"

But just right to be a rag, wearing mammy

I can be cast to be the loud mouth baby mama or

The girl twisting her neck at the corner store

Shaking my hand as I talk

Oooooo, maybe I get the part as Dr. Dre's Compton whore

Hair not long enough for Category A

Skin not medium enough for Category C

Dark skin, short hair, chubby stature

Just right for Category D

Why can't I be the love interest?

Why can't I be the woman that Ice Cube strives for?

Why is that light is right,

But dark gets ignored?

I thought this dispute was over

This way of thinking was in the past

But I'm still having to defend my dark shade

All my childhood insecurities coming back fast

My mom repeatedly having to tell me I'm beautiful

Giving myself pep talks before I left for school

Being intimidated to wear vibrant colors 

And only clear lip gloss was the rule

But the pep talks are few

I wear every color on the spectrum

I embrace my dark skin 

Rather than view it as an incurable infection

Casting call agent 

I have some words for you

The next time you mention my shade

This is what you should do

Pair it with strength, perseverance,

Vulnerable, charming, and beauty,

Funny, smart, sarcastic,

And maybe a little snooty  

Casting call agent,

Listen to my plea,

Do not shame my black women and black girls

With Category D

*Snap, Snap Hope you enjoyed the flow of my words.  What did you think about the casting call? 

Update: The casting agency and N.W.A has made a public apology for the ignant casting call.  

Nicki MInaj & Iggy Azalea: Why We Need This

Hip Hop has always been competitive: who has the better lyrics, who has the biggest chain, who’s rocking the cleanest sneakers, or who has the biggest bank account.  This competitive spirit is what makes Hip Hop stand out from other genres.  Admitting that the East Coast, West Coast beef got a little out of hand, some of the greatest moments in Hip Hop came from friendly competition (Remember Jay-Z and Nas?)

Source: celebuzz.com

This is why we need both Nicki Minaj and Iggy Azalea to be great.  There have always been complaints about the woman’s place (or a lack of) in the lyrical realm.  At times, we have gone as long as a decade without strong female MCs.  We have gone even longer without having more than one female rapper on the charts at the same time.  With both Nicki Minaj and Iggy Azalea on the scene, it shows a promising future for females in Hip Hop.

I know some people are bothered by Iggy Azalea’s presence.  Not I.  If she is good at what she does, let her shine.  Don’t hate, congratulate (yea, I know that's from 1997).  Forbes wrote an article about the Iggy’s surprising success and needless to say some African Americans were not here for the article.  For me, her success is not a slap to black women in the genre but a chance for us to see how Nicki Minaj is going to handle the competition (and possibly see other women bust onto the scene).

Let’s keep it real: who has been Nicki’s competition (To be honest, I wasn’t expecting Nicki to last past her first single)?  For the past 4 years, the female rapper category at the BET Awards has been a joke.  This was the first year that I wasn’t sure if Nicki was going to take the award home or not.  Nicki has had the freedom to experiment with different sounds because she didn’t have to worry about anybody snatching her wig.  Now that there is someone else on the scene it’s makes  me wonder how she is going to deal.

At this year’s BET Awards, shots were fired when Nicki made it known that she writes her own bars. She has said that this was not shade towards Azalea.  However, I can't help but wonder why she felt the need to explain the authenticity of her work?  Is it because Nicki knows that play time is over and a rumble is getting ready to start?  Whatever the case may be, Nicki wanted us to know she is a force to be reckon with.  Will Iggy be the one to reckon with that force?

This was me when Nicki was giving her acceptance speech

As long as there are no real shots fired, beefs friendly competition is a good thing in hip hop.  This separates the rappers from the lyricists.  I’m ready for the females to get a piece of the action and I feel that Nicki and Iggy are the ones who are go to do it. 

What do yall think?

BET Awards 2014: Not One Damb Was Given

If this is your first time visiting my blog, I would like to welcome you with a "Yaaaaaaaaasssssssssssss" in my Reginae (Lil Wayne's daughter) voice as I shake my hand in a sporadic motion.  Usually, I write the highlights of the show.  However, sometimes words are just not enough.  So I would let others express my emotions for me:

Every time Chris Rock Clowned Rick Ross or T.I. or Solange 

When August Alsina was giving us faux tears during his acceptance speech

How excited I get to when I see Nicki Minaj looking like a human

The girl is gorgeous!

How I looked when dancing to Lionel Richie's All Night Long

When my SISTAH, J-Hud, was bringing back the new Walk It Out

When I didn't know who any of the groups were in the Rap Group Category

When Young Money gave there acceptance speech

When Phylicia Rashaad came out to give a tribute to Ruby Dee and Maya Angelou

When I saw the it was passed my bedtime and the show was still going on 

Every year when it's time to present the Best Female Rapper award and you know Nicki Minaj is going to win it

When Nicki Minaj said she wasn't throwing shade

That Beyonce and Jay Z "performance"

As always I had an awesome time watching the awards along with #BlackTwitter and if you want to follow me during any award show, you can find me at @ebonymariere.  

Special shoutout to giphy.com and realitytvgifs.tumblr.com for the awesome GIFs.