Friday, January 24, 2014

Dear Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

Hey! What's up, girl?!  Been awhile since I have enjoyed your company (will get to that later).  I've been doing well myself.  Starting a new juice diet and just bought some new boots on Groupon.  So, I would say that life is grand.

But I didn't write this letter to talk about myself but to talk about you.  I've noticed that you haven't been yourself lately.  Every morning when I check my phone, I'm seeing temperatures in the single digits.  The highs are barely breaking 40 degrees.  Places that are use to frigid temperatures are seeing even worse temperatures, 0 degrees with a -52 wind chill.  Schools are having to close because people outside of Antarctica don't own coats that can handle this disrespectful weather.

Those of us in the South are having a hard time as well.  The coats I have bought in the last few years have been purely for fashion.  They couldn't keep a grasshopper warm.  There wasn't a reason to buy big bulky bubble coats.  Why should I?  Our last few winters have been a joke.  After last year's Ice Storm, I was wearing light weight jackets.  Now, I look 10 pounds bigger because I'm wearing tights, a cami, a thermal, an undershirt, bra, sports bra, sweater, scarves, hat, coat, and ski mask.  Momma Nat, I'm trying to make fashion statements and that's difficult when I'm wearing all the clothes in my closet because I don't want to die from hypothermia.

As much as I abhor these temperatures, I could deal with them if they were consistent.  But you're all over the place.  Monday is 32 degrees, Tuesday is 67 degrees, and Wednesday is -12 degrees. One day I'm wearing shorts and the next I'm sporting bubble coats.  I'm not a psychologist but you're looking a little bi-polar-ish.  

Now, it's time to get down to the root of the problem.  I've gone back and forth about how I wanted to bring this to you.  You my girl, and I don't want to come at you the wrong way so I'm just going to spit it out.  This new boo thang, Polar Vortex, is causing some major issues.  I get it, we all want somebody.  We all want to feel love and have somebody to hold on a cold night.  But your boo is the reason for those below freezing nights.

Po Vo causing school closings, old folks breaking hips from slipping on ice, and sick days because our bodies don't know what the heck is going on when we step outside.  People are stuck in their homes because of 12 inches of snow.  I don't know about your boy, Po Vo, but we got bills to pay.  People living off hourly wages don't have time to be missing work because he feel like throwing snow and ice everywhere.  The rest of us rather not drive over icy bridges.  And your boo really messing things up for those who live on country roads.  They slipping and sliding in ditches.  Girl, something got to change.

Usually, I don't get up in folks personal business but I had to speak on this.  You deserve better.  You have so much going for yourself.  You're in charge of 4 different seasons and you're great with animals.  A woman like you doesn't need a  man like Po Vo.  He isn't going to do anything but cause you pain.  And by you, I mean the animals and me.  You deserve someone whose going to give your friends a warm feeling.

Momma Nat, I just want the best for you.  You too good to settle for this frigid loser.  I hope you can come to your senses and realize that this relationship is only going to end in heartache (or frost bite).  I love you and respect your choices but I hope you realize your worth.

Your Fair Weather Homegirl,

Ebony Marie

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