Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Why Does Torrei Hart have to be Bitter?

Source: bet.com
I’m just going to get straight to the point: stop calling Torrei Hart bitter.  Reality TV have conditioned us to see all ex-wives as crazy and we start lumping them all into one group.  We have all seen the ex-wives who live lavish lives because of alimony and/or child support checks.  So we make quick judgments about all Hollywood ex’s and call them jaded and greedy.  However, I’m not going to put Torrie is this category because homegirl is just being honest. 

Torrei has made news throughout social media because of the uncanny way she speaks about her ex-husband, Kevin Hart.  Back in April 2014, she was asked about how she felt about Kevin calling his girlfriend “my rib”.  Ms. Hart kept it all the way real and responded with:

"It's easy to be somebody's rib when their millionaire."
Of course, the interwebs went crazy and went on a “she’s bitter female dog” campaign.  But let’s go on to what else she had to say after that comment:

“You’re working at City Sports and I’m taking you to your shows, you’re driving my car, you’re crashing my car several times, and I’m still there for you, supporting you, went out and got a job for the phone company and still making sure I got your back so you can pursue your dreams…That’s what ribs do!”

Some might say she is living in the past but what I hear is someone who is telling her truth.  Kanye said it best with this lyric in Gold Digger, “And when you get on he leave yo a—for white girl.” or in this case, mixed girl.  She was there when we didn’t know what a Kevin Hart was.  She made huge sacrifices so he could live out a dream that she probably doubted at times.  Why is it that when she tells her side of the story, she has to sugarcoat it and give old tired PR responses?
Just this past week, Kevin Hart proposed to girlfriend, Eniko Parish.  Because he did it on the night that Vh1’s Atlanta Exes premiered starring Torrei Hart, some said that it was a blow at her.  Kevin has said that he did it that night because it was Eniko’s birthday.  When asked if she thought if Kevin would cheat on Eniko, Torrei responded,Well he cheated on me..."  
I congratulate her for being honest.  We, as women, constantly put our feelings aside, heck, bury them 6 feet under.  We, too often, blame ourselves for every wrong thing in our past instead of placing blame where it needs to go.  We continue to put up a front when we are actually breaking down on the inside.  It’s almost like women aren’t allowed to be angry or hurt.  God forbid, we act like humans.  We are just supposed to suck it up, smile, and keep it moving.  But the moment we tell our truths, we are bitter, angry, or “stuck in the past.”  Torrei Hart isn’t stuck in the past, she is stuck on the truth.  He got on, cheated on her, and now gives new girl all the praise and glory. 
Before you start calling me a feminist Nazi, I know there are two sides to every story.  He has admitted to his wrong doings and constantly wishes Torrei well.   Torrei has even admitted to the part she played in their divorce.   In fact, I’m actually a huge fan of Kevin Hart.  My point is that being classy doesn’t mean that she has to hide her feelings about what she has gone through.  Anybody that has gone through a break-up will tell you that you may move forward but the scars are always there.  Unlike most ex-wives, Torrei has to constantly see her husband professing his love to new girl.  So the healing process is a bit different from the average ex-wife. 
Only time will tell how Torrei will continue to speak of Kevin and Eniko.  Since she is doing this reality show maybe interviewers will stop only asking her questions about Kevin and more about herself. 
How do you feel about how Torrei responds to Kevin’s new relationship?

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Robin Williams: Depression is Real and Riches are False


This past week we lost a comedian great, Academy Award winning, Robin Williams.  Rather you were a fan of his comedy or not, you have to admit that the man was successful at what he did.  When I first heard the news, the first movie I thought of was Nine Months.  Williams played the eccentric foreign doctor, Dr. Kosevich who had only assisted monkey births.  Even though I was nine when I first saw this movie (and probably shouldn't have been watching it) I knew then he was a genius at what he did.  And don't even get me started on Aladdin.  You can't call yourself a 90's kid unless you had the VHS where Robin Williams played one of the top 10 best Disney characters ever.

Aside from his untimely death, I was shock by the alleged cause of his death: suicide.  Who knew that one of film's funniest leading men was tackling inner demons such as depression and alcoholism so much so that he felt the only way out was to take his own life? It blows my mind how he could make millions of people laugh but only saw darkness in his own world.  It breaks my heart to know this man didn't know how much he touched people, young and old, with his talents.

Source: elephantjournal.com 
Williams' situation makes me think of two things.  First, as my mother use to say, "You never know what's going on behind close doors."  We see people everyday on our way to work, at work, at a worship service, at the store, dining with friends and family and never truly know what that person is going through.  A lot of times we ask the question "How are you doing?" but mostly out of social norms and out of social norms the answer is usually "Fine".  End of conversation.   With so many anxieties that we all experience everyday, we forget to stop and ask our friends and families how they are really doing.  And something I'm guilty of and others probably are too is not telling the truth about how we are doing.  We must learn to let our loved ones help us.  This is one way we can stop our troubles from building inside causing sadness and despair.

Second, if we haven't learned yet we need to learn now: Money does not buy happiness.  We are constantly bombarded with the riches of celebrities.  We see the fancy clothes they wear and the big houses they occupy.  We at times start to think that if we had the money they had, our lives we would be a little easier.  However, with instances like Robin's we are reminded that money at times only complicates things (Remember the song, Mo' Money, Mo' Problems?).  What money doesn't do is help us get to the root of our problems.  Money doesn't get rid of depression.  Money doesn't mend broken marriages.  Money doesn't make our children act right.  One scripture I keep in mind is Hebrews 13:5:
"Let your way of life be free of the love of money, while you are content with the present things.  For he has said: 'I will never leave you, and I will never abandon you.'"
I'm not saying that Robin Williams was a person of greed but I'm speaking more to our desires to have what the rich have.  As the scripture says "be content with the present things."  Chasing after riches and material things can cause also depression.  Some of us will never get the white picket fence so that means we have to be content with having a roof at all.  So to look at yourself as a failure or disappointment for not having these grand things is pointless.  As we have seen over and over, riches do not bring joy, peace, or love.

I can't say enough that if you are experiencing a sadness that will not go away reach out to someone and get the help you need.  It's better to talk with someone than to decide upon a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Kanye Type of Love

I’m in no way a relationship expert.  Lord knows I have made more than a few mistakes in the love department.  I’m also not so fond of those relationship memes.  You know the ones that read “Find a man that finds your love as vital as oxygen” or “Don’t chase. Stop. Turn around. Look….There he is” or “Love is not a game but a journey” or some other mushy statement that makes me gag.  I’m not anti-love but when women post these quotes 20 times a day it screams “I’m single and hopelessly looking for love.  When will someone love me?”  I’m sorry but I can’t deal.
But today I found one of these love memes that explained everything I want in a man perfectly:

Yaaaaassssssssss!! I’ve been looking for the words to describe the type of relationship I want and some humble anonymous poet put it on a flea market chalk board.  The love Kanye has for Kanye is real love. It’s the kind of love that will stand the test of time.  Forget  Romeo & Juliet, I want to see Kanye & West.  Get me a Hallmark card with this quote on the inside, stat.
I want a man that will recognize me for the creative genius that I am.  He will put me on the same level as Walt Disney and William Shakespeare.  He will repeatedly tell people how great I am even when not inquired about it.  He’ll be like:
         “Ebony’s skin is softer than a million lambs and her hair is shinier than all the Brazilian                    hair weaves in the world.”
         “Sir, all I asked was do you want waffle or curly fries?”
         “Curly fries don’t deserve to be in Ebony’s presence.  Waffle fries with an extra honey                    mustard.”
         “That extra honey mustard is going to cost you 25 cents.”
         “Blasphemy! Why does Ebony have to live in a world that is so cruel and greedy?”
Who doesn’t want someone like that?
You will never have to worry about being in second place when you getting that Kanye type of love.  You not getting the props you think you deserve from your employer?  That special someone that lives by the Kanye love code will be on your job bright and early in the morning telling that employer that they are making a huge mistake by not recognizing your greatness.  They are committing crimes against humanity by not highlighting every second of every work day the tenacious worker you are.  He will then demand the Director relinquishes their duties and hand them to you.  Yep, sign me up for that type of love right away.
Stop giving your heart to lames.  Stop crying over scrubs.  Find you a man or woman that will constantly, unnecessarily tell everybody about your greatness. 

Does your mate live by the Kanye love code?