Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Why I Consider the Scale Satan

I have been trying to be healthier.  My job consists of telling women to be healthier so I rather not live my life as a hypocrite.  Mind you, I have been chubby all my life so my weight has been a challenge for as long as I can remember.  In the last year, I have had an epiphany: 
Satan get behind me and take the scale with you.

I rebuke you in the name of Jesus
So when I started my healthier lifestyle, I decided that I would not check the scale weekly.  You might be asking, how can you know your progress if you don’t weigh yourself? You’ll recall the first line of this post said that I’m trying to be healthier not skinnier.  I have never wanted to be skinny.  I wanted to be accepted for who I am.  I don’t want the “you’re pretty to be big” or the “you’re still pretty regardless of your weight” speech.  I know!  When you’re giving a full figured woman this “pep talk” all you are doing is reminding her that something is wrong.  I would prefer that my weight not be up for discussion. I have a policy that if you’re not being paid my HMO than my weight is not your issue.

Who run the world?  Healthy Girls
By getting on the scale weekly, I’m setting myself up to have a good week or a crappy week.  I will either jump up and down over the weight I’ve lost or feel like a complete failure.  Who has time to go through that emotional rollercoaster week after week?  I most certainly don’t.  What I do instead is set up mini goals for myself like I’m going to walk/jog three times a week, eat out only on Fridays with friends, or eat a green vegetable twice a week.  By doing this, I know that I’m making small changes that could make a huge impact on my overall health.  I’m not beating myself up on why I only lost 1 pound or zero pounds.  Our bodies are crazy sometimes and don’t always do what we want them to do.  I don’t want to be depressed for the rest of the week because my body decided to be stubborn and not shed any pounds.

I also didn’t want to define myself by a number that appeared on the scale.  For too long, I would weigh myself and let that number linger in my mind.  All the while feeling like I was not losing enough.  I would think about that number all week.  If I slipped up and ate a snack cake, I would see that number increasing in my mind.  It would remind me why I was shopping in the plus size section.  I could see it as I would inhale trying to put on a pair of jeans.  That number on the scale would cause me anxiety.  I got tired of letting a 3 digit number make me feel worthless.  I wasn’t Ebony.  I was such and such pound Ebony.  I no longer wanted to live that way.

I wanted to be happy with who I was while I was in transition.  I wanted to look in the mirror and love the person I saw knowing that I was making lifestyle changes to become a better Ebony.  I refused to let a battery-operated machine dictate to me what my worth was.  When I started to think like this I found happiness.  I saw the beauty in myself. I loved being a woman. 

If you are on a weight-loss journey, I would advise that you abort that journey and get on a healthier you journey.  When you are on weight-loss journey, you are fixated on a number and you are giving that number power.  When you are working on health, you are the one with the power.  You’re deciding what changes need to be made and making them.  You are setting goals you want to set and seeing the fruits of your labor.  You realize that your health is not about your jean size but about how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally.  

No comments:

Post a Comment